I realize I haven’t been posting much lately. School and work has come to a point where everything is a mind numbing routine so I haven’t been very inspired. So, yeah. Hold on and maybe something exciting will happen soon. With that said, I’ve been trying to avoid ranting too much, but not tonight.

If you don’t know, I’ve been trying very hard not to curse since I got to Utah. I’ve been fairly successful, but it comes at a price. I’m almost always just a little bit closer to the edge because I’m so used to using harsh language as an outlet to prevent myself from holding things in and getting too angry. Now, I’m holding in a lot more than I’m used to, and it’s starting to strain my will power.

Tonight, I snapped a little. Herr B hit me. It wasn’t meant to hurt – just a little roughhousing (oh, haha *rolls eyes*) – but it did. His hand cut all the way through my bicep onto the bone and it hurt like a damn bitch. At this point, I got angry very quickly and said some things as I snapped though I managed to change certain words to their less offensive counterparts (like to “freaking”) as they left the tip of my tongue. I stayed angry though. It wasn’t just another one of those little flairs. I really did snap tonight.

I ended up using one cuss word. In contrast to my language in high school, this is phenomenal.

Y’know what? I don’t even know what I’m trying to say. I don’t really care to think about something like writing right now. All I know is that at the time, I was ready to fight, and now I just want to yell at the top of my lungs, “FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”

Man, I’m so dramatic…